apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
