Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
