I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
