I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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