i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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