When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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