every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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