Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
