she woke up with a sticky ear
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
