Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
