No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
