I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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