I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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