Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
