I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
