I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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