y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My cat gives me a boner
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Drake has all the answers
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
