never play flip cup with pint glasses
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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