OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
