I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i love accidental penises.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
