it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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