I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
