while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
