Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
