I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You don't make any sense
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