I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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