the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
