i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
