drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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