well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
