As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
