guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
