I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
