a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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