Come see our sink grown plant.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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