the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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