Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
