OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
