What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
