Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
