Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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