so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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