My brain says no but my pants say off.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
