Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
