Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
