she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
