so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
