I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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