It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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