I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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