i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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