"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
MIDGETS
????
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
