Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
