He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
