i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
