Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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