You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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