You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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