the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
