The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
