Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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