just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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