yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
