She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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