My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
