you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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